Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
