would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
