The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
