I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
