i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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