I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
