did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
