Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
