I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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