I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
