I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I touched a dick in church today
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
