filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
