dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize