So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
