i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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