I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
