At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
