No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
