You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
