I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
