Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
