very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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