There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
