my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This house was built for laser tag.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize