come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
