OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
