She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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