My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
