i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ladies don't puke and tell
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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