this just has baby written all over it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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