i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
