He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize