Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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