sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
