my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
