It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
