Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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