should my penis look like a turkey
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
FUCK WHALES
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
