I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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