Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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