I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
