Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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