You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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