i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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