I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
