i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's blow job season.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
