Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
