And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
