bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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