I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just pee around me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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