so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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