I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
