The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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