I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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