I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
