Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
