O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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