Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
