Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
