I wish my penis had an off switch
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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