I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize