Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
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