I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
