Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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