YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
