not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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