Do vagina's smell?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
