We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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