Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
