Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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