So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
