3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
