i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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