u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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