my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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