please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
