so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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