yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize