I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
