So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
