thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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