I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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