found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
