I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
