Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
