Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The beer is more important than you right now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
