bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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