grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
