no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
