Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
