I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
