Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
