how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish you could order shots online.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
