I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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