I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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