I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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