I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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