Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
