Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
