She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
