I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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